Is it any wonder?

December 4 – Wonder. How did you cultivate a sense of wonder in your life this year?

Well my last entry was kind of a discussing of how I cultivated wonder this year. I returned to Europe to marvel at its splendors once again and see new sights. See aforementioned post for details. This still counts as blogging for the day.

Je me sens vivant!

December 3 – Moment. Pick one moment during which you felt most alive this year. Describe it in vivid detail (texture, smells, voices, noises, colors).

The sun was filling the little square with the kind of golden light usually reserved for romantic comedies. I should have been annoyed with all the people who surrounded me, but their chatter, incessant photo taking, foreign tongues and giggling children had no effect on me for I was one of them today, as much as I'd like to deny it. I snagged a seat and took in the scene around me. A scene that brought back many memories—a church service, a steak, a missing aunt—but I was still able to simply enjoy the exact moment I was in. I took a bite of a perfectly flaky pain au chocolat that none in New York can even compare to and heaved a sigh. I had made it back to Paris.

I had woken up at 3 a.m., caught two buses, a cramped plane, the stupid RER and a dank metro and when I finally arrived, unwashed and bleary eyed, I had never felt less tired. I quickly dropped off my luggage and headed out, turned a corner and there she was, bathing in the bluish-gray morning light.

Years of dreaming and scheming to get back there had finally paid off. I breathed in the smell of French bread, early fall and garbage—it is just a city after all—and you could have punched me and nothing could the smile from my face. I made the short walk along the Seine toward the Île Saint-Louis and I was practically skipping. I made my way down the narrow cobblestone streets where Paris began and stumbled into a brightly lit bakery, pastries gleaming in the still-early morning light. I made my request and my french flowed out as if I had never once forgotten how to say "Merci" and I quickly made my way to the square in front of Notre Dame. I hadn't planned it to be my first stop but it was like a magnet; pulling me to the true center of the city in order to welcome me back. It is where the above moment took place, me on a bench breathing in the beauty of the scene, enjoying my pastry and feeling satisfied, giddy, content and more alive than I'd felt in months.

Writing for a living...

December 2 – Writing. What do you do each day that doesn’t contribute to your writing — and can you eliminate it?

There is so much that contributes to my inability to write for myself. The easy answer is exhaustion. I write and edit all day. Yes, this is what I always wanted to do. I did everything in my power to make sure that I was able to write for a living. But writing in my current job exhausts me instead of exalts me. Not that it is difficult—I write the same four stories over and over again—a foodservice operation got renovated, is going green, is raising prices or increasing menu/grab-and-go options. The idea is that since I write about these things all day, it should make me want to take the time to write about things I enjoy even more. Doesn't happen. I get home and the last thing in the world I want to do is write.

Instead I turn on my old friend TV—another large impediment to my writing. Man, I love TV. I'm not ashamed to admit it. Some say we are in a Golden Age of television and I agree in many regards and do my part to support it. I should take my love of TV and take it to this blog. I want to start writing recaps of my shows, like the ones I enjoy reading so much. So why haven't I? Pure laziness? Absolutely. But there’s something else . . .

There is the worry that no one will read it. Terrified that people will and not like it. My pal talked about her fear of writing in her post today and I can completely relate. I fear writing for myself because I care so much. I hate when I write something on my own time that doesn't make me proud, unlike the writing I currently do for a paycheck. I accept that my creative license at work is limited by my publication's voice. My boss constantly tells me to be less "cute/clever/funny/ alliterative" in my writing. It squashes all the pleasure out of writing at work that now I fear my creativity has been stamped out of me at home too. I read stuff I wrote awhile ago and can feel proud that I was able to get a little of myself in there. Now it's tougher to remember what "my" voice is.

How can I remedy this? Well the TV one is easy—I will write during commercials. You thought I'd say I'd turn it off...never! The laziness I'm working on by participating in this blogging-once-a-day business. I’m hoping it makes writing into a habit, like checking my Google Reader. As for the fear, I'm not quite sure I want it to go away. It makes me try . . . try to be better . . . try to be consistent . . . and try harder to write in a way that makes me proud.

One word

A post a day to reflect on the year by answering daily prompts from here. I failed miserably at this last year. But I want to write every day so badly! My laziness always seems to get the better of me. So I'll give it a go again. I won't do as well as her but in the immortal words of The Joker, here...we...go!

December 1
One Word.
Encapsulate the year 2010 in one word. Explain why you’re choosing that word. Now, imagine it’s one year from today, what would you like the word to be that captures 2011 for you?

Way to start this off with an impossible task. Encapsulate your entire year in one measly word. Especially this year. It's been a tough one. But choosing the word "tough" would make me seem like a negative Nancy.

So what do you do when things get tough? You rebound. But that makes it seem like I've been taking a lot of meaningless steps toward something. So what's a happier version of rebound?

...(checks thesaurus)...

heal
rejuvenate
boomerang
no...

RALLY
1. to muster for a common purpose
2. to recall to order
3. recover, rebound
4. to come together again

I like it. It fits in many ways.

I watched friends get married and engaged. I rallied (see last provided definition) for those events and loved every second of them.

I traveled to London and Paris on my own. It wasn't a smart financial move. But it felt absolutely necessary to my recovery. To my ability to rally for all the rest.

And elephant in the room of this year—I lost my dad.
One year ago last month. I haven't recovered. I haven't forgotten. But I rallied. And I made it.

Chatting . . . with Alison Peterson

Slow summer, yes. But this needs to be shared:

Background: Our DVR has been messing up and just recording blackness.

Lindsey: The DVR messed up everything last night. I rebooted it and hopefully that will help.
Alison: Ok, I can take a look too. Crazy DVR.
Lindsey: It's probably mad we've been watching dvd and now it's rebelling.
Alison: It's only natural to feel threatened.
Lindsey: Plus, DVD slept with DVR and never called again. Betrayal.
Alison: hahaha. technological romance.

Lindsey: haha. dvd is sick of being on top. i foresee a torrid romance. one interrupted by router and/or speakers.
Alison: hahaha. DVR complains that DVD isn't innovative enough.
Lindsey: plus dvd is always sticking its tray out.
Alison: sometimes prematurely.
Lindsey: bahahahaha
Alison: dvr is sick of dvd's insecurities. dvd is threatened by blu-ray.
Lindsey: dvd remembers when vcr left him. he's insecure. there was a time they worked as a team. then it all fell apart.
Alison: It's a wound that will take awhile to heal. dvr has seen laptop hanging around. begging to be "plugged in." everyone's insecure.
Lindsey: hahahaha. laptop and tv have a new thing going. dvd is jealous of that too. it's new though, so they are still feeling each other out.
Alison: hahaha. lots of new emotions. new techniques. love is a battlefield.
Lindsey: haha. which cd player plays sadly in the background.
Alison: hahahaha. while itunes plays the sharper remix version.

...
Alison: the laptop has lit a newspaper on fire. a riot has broken out.
Lindsey: bahahahaha. books jump out the window.
Alison: hahaha. there's a skeleton of a radio.
Lindsey: haha. with a bottle of poison leaning against it.

Wow

Sex and the City 2

It's never a good sign when the announcement of a sequel inspires a groan rather than a squeal. I accepted the first movie for what it was—an excuse to revisit old friends and finally marry that reluctant bride Carrie off. It had its moments. See review here.

But I was done. As much as I enjoyed the show, the big screen wasn't doing it any favors. So it was with a heavy heart that I processed the fact that another one was on its way. Now that it has arrived, I'd beg and plead for the cast and crew to stop killing a show that was cherished by so many.

The film starts with a wedding between Stanford and Anthony. The only gay recurring characters so they naturally could only find happiness with each other—the characters' series-long hatred of each other somehow forgotten. I can't bear to go into detail about the scenes at the wedding but to note that they descend into ridiculous camp (Oh hey, Liza) way too quickly. The wedding serves to push the plot that every couple is different and can make up its own rules. This leads to the revelation that Big has become a bit of a homebody as the years have progressed and this upsets Carrie. The solution (according to Big) is to separate from his wife for two days a week. Now, we've watched Carrie and Big for 12 years. I just don't buy that this is an actual problem in their relationship. They have both put each other through the ringer and now their be-all end-all problem is that Big bought a TV for their anniversary and not a ridiculous piece of jewelry? Be happy he didn't buy you a bejeweled duck purse again.

Meanwhile Miranda is suffering under a chauvinist boss, Charlotte is realizing her quest for kids comes with a heavy price (a ruined vintage Valentino to be specific) and Samantha has actually regressed as a character into a full on caricature of her season one self. In the guise of shaking things up, Samantha sets up an all-expenses paid trip to Abu Dhabi. What an idea? Let's put these girls in the Middle East. Hilarity! Hijinks!

What really happens is a complete disrespect of a culture much older than ours. Somehow as long as the shoulders are covered (or one shoulder in Carrie's case), the breasts must be able to heave freely. I had read that the filmmakers’ goal with the film was a complete fantasy. Extravagant clothes, cars and fun. What's missing is any sense of caring for the characters or feeling anything but appalled at how this franchise has devolved into such a materialistic charade. Sure, clothes, shoes and shopping were a part of the TV show. But, in my opinion, a very small part of what made the show great. It was the relationship between these four women playing off their individual relationships with their respective others that kept my interest during six seasons. The first movie at least showed actual emotion—Carrie breaking down in the bathroom after being jilted at the alter. I felt nothing of the sort this time around. Even when my personal favorite of the many men (Aiden) shows up to ogle. The closest it came to showing anything real is after Charlotte, ignoring her kids while on the phone, is the victim of red paint on her vintage skirt. She shuts herself into the pantry for one moment of escape and tears. I have no kids, but I can imagine many mothers might have these breakdowns at some point. Though it's unclear if she's more upset about her skirt being ruined than the hardships of being a mother.

A long made defense of the movies (and the show to some extent) is that they are just silly fun. That's fine. I had a "good" time watching it. I had a great night out with an old friend with the hope of watching some other old friends. It's only later when I think about where this franchise has taken us that the disappointment washes over me . As a fan of the show, I'll again pray that these movies are done. Let the show rest in peace and on DVD where better writing and emotion can stay safe. You won't find it in this film. You'll just witness the sad fact that whatever joy that was once found in watching these women has been squeezed out by a desire to sell products—be it an HP computer or marriage itself.

Too amazing not to share...

Courtesy of Adrienne.

Part I

I Swear from adrienne a on Vimeo.

Part II

I Swear, Part II from adrienne a on Vimeo.

Good times fellas

And that's 100% ladies and gents. A thank you. My address is available on request for that "something pretty."

Thank you and good night!

It's the most wonderful time of the year...

It's that time again . . . Oscar time! Here are my predictions for the major categories. You know the drill, if I get 100%, you all must send me something pretty.

Best Picture
Avatar
The Blind Side
District 9
An Education
The Hurt Locker
Inglourious Basterds
Precious
A Serious Man
Up in the Air Up

Will Win: The Hurt Locker
Should Win: Inglourious Basterds

Ok, considering they upped the nominees from five to 10, I did pretty well. I've seen them all except An Education and A Serious Man. I may make it to An Education this weekend but regardless I have a well formed opinion of most of these and I don't think my ignorance of those two will affect my decision. The Blind Side is a joke. I seriously laughed out loud when I saw it on here. I only saw it because my mom wanted to and although it's fine for its type of movie (meaning sappy and ridiculous) there is no way it deserves to be on this list. I'd rather Star Trek, Fantastic Mr. Fox, hell even The Hangover taken its place. Avatar is a phenomenal movie. In all areas besides story and dialogue, it blows the rest of these movies out of the water. However, I happen to think plot and dialogue are important in determining Best Picture, so I will be very upset if James Cameron is given the opportunity to once again make a fool out of himself, no matter how much I love what he's created. Up will win Best Animated Film so it won't get the the votes here. District 9 is the populist choice that deserves to be here but won't win. Precious' performances are the star, not the film as a whole. Up in the Air is wonderful, almost too effortless to win the big prize, so that leaves my should win, Inglourious Basterds and my will win The Hurt Locker. Inglourious Basterds is the only one on the list where my jaw was dropped at the end and I was in complete awe of what I'd just seen. It's the complete package of story, visuals and performances—truly the best picture. The Hurt Locker did something else. It has all that, plus it takes the war film and makes it not about war. Plus, it's a war film—a completely masculine genre that happened to be directed by a woman. It breaks ground in many ways and that is why it will win.

Best Director
Kathryn Bigelow, The Hurt Locker
James Cameron, Avatar
Lee Daniels, Precious
Jason Reitman, Up in the Air
Quentin Tarantino, Inglourious Basterds

Will Win: Kathryn Bigelow
Should Win: Kathryn Bigelow

This is tough because in terms of direction, the sheer scope of Avatar and what it took to get made deserves recognition. That can't be denied. But I think James Cameron got that recognition in the tremendous box office of his film. He has his Oscar. Like I said above, Kathryn Bigelow made a war film not about war. It's about the men who are addicted to war. It's gritty, intimate and beautiful in its own way. All the performances are pitch perfect and, again, the fact that this man film was made by a woman can't be ignored. As for the rest of them, this is really a two-way race and they will all have other chances.

Best Actor
Jeff Bridges, Crazy Heart
George Clooney, Up in the Air
Colin Firth, A Single Man
Morgan Freeman, Invictus
Jeremy Renner, The Hurt Locker


Will Win: Jeff Bridges
Should Win: Colin Firth

Full disclosure: I haven't seen Crazy Heart. I'm sure Jeff Bridges is great in it and he probably deserves the win he's about to get. However, I'm rooting for a personal favorite and someone who's "time" it would have been if Bridges not slipped in at the last minute, Colin Firth. A Single Man is a gorgeous film, and he is phenomenal in it as a early-1960s professor who is unable to display grief after he learns his lover (Matthew Goode) has died. It's quiet but powerful, which I often find more intriguing then chewing the scenery acting (see Christoph Waltz nomination). The same can be said of Clooney in Up in the Air, but his performance, like the movie itself, could be seen as too effortless. While it takes a lot of work to make it look so easy, I don't think this is the role that will bring him his second Oscar. There could be a surprise upset with Jeremy Renner coming to spoil Bridges' party, but I assume he'll suffer from the "he'll have other changes" brigade of Academy voters.

Best Actress
Sandra Bullock, The Blind Side
Helen Mirren, The Last Station
Carey Mulligan, An Education
Gabourey Sidibe, Precious
Meryl Streep, Julie and Julia

Will Win: Sandra Bullock
Should Win: Meryl Streep

Full Disclosure, part II: I haven't seen The Last Station, though I don't think I'm alone in that. It barely got any press or push, though what I have read, it sounds wonderful. And I don't doubt that Helen Mirren is fantastic, but she already has her Oscar and for the more deserving role from what I can tell. Should the Academy just reward Bullock for trying something different? Something that doesn't make most of them cringe at just the preview like most of her movies of late. I don't think so. But all indications seem to be saying that she will, it's her "time" as they say. Thus Oscar will get a winner that is, by box office numbers, a fan favorite. Enjoy the ratings, too bad the best actress won't really be rewarded. That should go to Miss. Streep, who everyone knows would give a killer acceptance speech and who really deserves it for being able to channel a beloved figure like Julia Child and not make her cartoonish as she well could have been. As for Mulligan and Sidibe, the nomination is your prize.

Best Supporting Actor
Matt Damon, Invictus
Woody Harrelson, The Messenger
Christopher Plummer, The Last Station
Stanley Tucci, The Lovely Bones
Christoph Waltz, Inglourious Basterds


Will Win: Christoph Waltz
Should Win: Christoph Waltz

Hands down this belongs to Waltz for the very thing I criticized a few paragraphs above. But if you can't chew scenery in a Tarantino film, where can you? And he does it wonderfully. Equal parts charming and terrifying, his Nazi soldier is one of Tarantino's best baddies and he'll be rewarded justly for it. None of the other gentlemen measure up, I'm afraid, though Woody, it's nice to see you as always.

Best Supporting Actress
Penelope Cruz, Nine
Vera Farmiga, Up in the Air
Maggie Gyllenhall, Crazy Heart
Anna Kendrick, Up in the Air
Mo'nique, Precious


Will Win: Mo'nique
Should Win: Mo'nique

This race has been over for months and all the ladies honored know it. But it is over for a reason because Mo'nique's performance as an abusive mother is just sickeningly good. If the scene in the social worker's office where she gives her "justification" for how she treats Precious doesn't make you cry, you are officially dead inside. Had it not been for her, I'd have cheered on Anna Kendrick for giving a performance that resonates strongly with those in my generation. The up-starters who think we know it all. Plus, you make Twilight bearable, so thank you for that.

So that's the major categories. The last one I mentioned already above: Best Animated Film. It will go to Up, though I'd rejoice if Fantastic Mr. Fox won, which includes my favorite Clooney and Streep roles of the year. So tune in this Sunday to see how I do, and leave comments where you think I've gone wrong.