Modern Family: Phil on Wire

Season 3, Episode 3: Someone is snoring at the Delgado-Pritchett house. While Gloria thinks it is Jay, the camera pulls back to reveal that the family has gotten a dog that snores loud enough to wake Gloria. Jay is clearly smitten with Stella, enough to allow her to sleep in the bed when he won't let Manny, who we see is sleeping on the floor. ("Answer the question, Jay")

The newest addition to the family likes to spend time chewing on Gloria's shoes and taking all of Jay's affection, including Gloria's place in the shower with him.

At Cam and Mitchell's, Cam decides he wants to go on a juice fast. Mitchell fears a hungry Cam will disrupt a dinner at his boss's house, especially since Cam goes through six stages when he is on a diet:
 
1. The Clean Sweep—Cam throws out all junk food in the house.
2. Attack Mitchell—Mitchell tries to avoid this by joining in the juice fast. It's them versus food.
3. Soap Actress—Cam becomes incredibly emotional, distraught that his sister just can't put herself out there more. Why ARE men so superficial?
4. A Rush of Epiphanies—Cam doesn't need food. Architecture is EVERYWHERE! And true, Spaniards DO make amazing athletes.
5. Despair—Cam can't even bring himself to seek when Lily hides.
6. Rage—The kitchen cabinets never stood a chance.

Mitchell does admit he is proud that Cam has made it farther in a diet than he ever has before. Though he fears what stage comes next.

Over at the Dunphy's Phil and Luke are watching Man On Wire and marveling at how awesome people are. Cam stops by to drop off the junk food from their house. Luke quickly commandeers it and hides it in his room. Watching the film inspires Phil to fulfill his dream of walking on a tightrope. He and Luke set up a test run in the yard and Luke's enthusiasm, while appreciated by Phil, is really the result of way too much chocolate.

Alex is being placed in a higher math course, the same course Haley is taking, and has been at least once before. Distraught that the girls will be in the same class, Haley spells out some ground rules: No looking at Haley in class and no texting Haley in class. Claire lectures the girls that sometimes they need to just rise above the small stuff as a school cop comes buy to lecture her about stopping in a loading/unloading zone. Claire, sensing this was a time for a lesson, politely "rises above" an unpleasant situation. She naturally thinks of a great comeback line after driving away.

When the girls return from their first day in the same class, it was obviously a disaster. Haley thought 8 was a prime number and Alex reminded the teacher to give the class homework. Claire tries a "subtle" manipulation ("The two of you could have been super Dunphys") to get the girls to help each other out: Haley helps Alex with her social standing and Alex helps Haley with her schoolwork. However, the girls take this to mean Alex helps Haley cheat if she gets a seat at the cool table at lunch.

Phil continues his quest to be a tightrope walker in the yard but is having trouble, complete with awesome "swear" phrases such as "Chicken and a biscuit!" and "Bartles and Jaymes!"

Gloria, frustrated with Cam's call asking to describe all her meals for the day, stumbles across Stella caught in the act of chewing on her clothes. Gloria offers up one of Jay's shoes and tries to get Stella to chew on it to give him a taste of the dog's show-induced wrath.  Stella is not interested so Gloria manages to show the dog how it's done by eating the shoe herself while promptly discovered by Jay and Manny. Note: This is as ridiculous as it sounds. It does allow for a patented "animal reaction shot" that TV shows think never fail. They are right.

The next day when Claire is picking up the girls from school she gets a call that they are in the principal's office for cheating. While on the phone, school cop comes over to give her another parking lecture (and a ticket). This time Claire does not rise above. She lashes out and rips up the ticket and throws it in the cop's face. The girls emerge from the principal's office to find mom lecturing them while handcuffed. None of the ladies can be considered Super Dunphys today.

Phil picks up Luke from school after Luke throws up. Luke confesses saying he doesn't need a doctor. he ate all the junk food Mitch brought over because of their "Jew Fast." Phil tells Luke it's OK, as long as he learned a lesson and ruminates that he too learned a lesson about his ability as a tightrope walker. Luke mentions perhaps the problem is that the rope was only six inches off the ground, where Phil knew he could fall. If the rope was higher, Phil would have to stay on it. "Genius!" Phil exclaims. And yes you can have a donut!

At Mitch's boss's party, which is a fundraiser for sea life, the juice fast is weighing on both the men. As Mitch's boss tells a story about a sea lion (Snorkles) who he befriended and then who died because of a plastic bag, Mitch and Cam lose it and run out into the water. Mitch admits he is starving was only doing the fast for Cam. Cam admits he was only doing the fast for Mitch. I love you the way you are, etc. Cue embrace (I think a kiss would have been appropriate here. It would have felt more natural than just a hug. I still think the show is avoiding the kissing thing too much, even after the beautiful kiss episode of last season. Have we seen Cam and Mitch kiss since?)

As the Dunphy ladies return home, the girls apologize for their behavior. The arrive in time to see Phil walking a tightrope seven feet in the air. "Don't even bother, he's in the zone. He can't hear you," Luke warns them. Phil putting his dream into action instead of just talking the talk wraps the episode up in a nice little saccharine-filled bow. It's sweet and only truly cringe-inducing when Claire utters the line: "Turns out I've had my Super Dunphy all along." (Shudder)

Kind of a meh episode for me, but what did you guys think? Did the end segment make your eye twitch with cute overload?

Great lines and observations: 

Claire: "Right now our daughters are upstairs making a decision they think is their own but really was an idea that was skillfully implanted by me." Phil: "Inception, Claire. Dangerous game but I like it."

Phil: "Luke, grab your camera." Luke pops up from couch: "I was just sleeping." Pops handful of candy in his mouth.

Phil: "If I had a nickel for every time I puked in school do you know how much money I'd have? Luke: "35 cents?" Phil: "Exactly."

Mitch: "It's tough enough to deal with Cam when I'm at full strength, but I have been fasting just as long as he has and I do not have the energy to deal with a big, needy brisketcase . . . basketcase."

Mitch: I really think you need to eat something." Cam: "What? You are supposed to be my support! Away from me temptress. And I never thought I'd call you that in a negative way."

Gloria to Jay: "You used to put me first. You used to want me in that shower." Manny: "Should I be here for this?" Gloria: No Manny it's OK, I go. I want you to know this, where I come from men cherish woman. It goes wife, mistress, dog, dog always at the bottom.

Cam as Mitch is crying: "I think he just needs a little air." Mitch: "You know who else needed air, SNORKELS!"

Summer Movie Recap

Summer is officially over. During the past four months (I'm counting from the beginning of May) I saw 17 movies, some more than once. Overall, I'd say about five of them could count as memorable. Most are middling. However, middling is still worth discussing so now a rundown...

Thor
Who would have thought five months ago that Thor wouldn't be a complete mess? It's got its flaws for sure and I couldn't tell you at this point what the central conflict was about beyond Thor is banished to Earth, is a fish out of water and makes Natalie Portman swoon, but its sense of humor and dazzling visuals elevate it beyond the usual superhero nonsense. It is still nonsense, of course, but when Thor finishes his drink and promptly throws it on the ground it sure was fun.



Bridesmaids
Five viewings later I still laughed out loud, teared up and yearned for my best friends.


Midnight in Paris
Escapism the Woody Allen way. Allen takes my decade-long desire to move to Paris and personifies it on screen.


The Hangover Part II
Why was this made? It was better the first time, and even then, not the best comedy I've ever seen.

X Men: First Class
A duet between greats. I hadn't seen Michael Fassbender in anything before this

Super 8
Nostalgia for a time in movies that i didn't get to experience first hand. All the kids' performances in this are great. The movie is pure popcorn fun the way it ought to be for summer movies. Yes, the creature at the end is somewhat disappointing but who cares when it was so much fun to watch the lead up to its reveal?

Bad Teacher
Biggest wasted potential. The trailer made me laugh every time I watched it. I don't think I laughed out loud once during the actual movie.

Horrible Bosses
It's officially time for Charlie Day to be in more movies. This was fun enough, if not especially memorable for anything except Jennifer Aniston doing her best to play against type. it worked for me,  but now, a few months later, I can't seem to muster up any great enthusiasm for it. Worth a Netflix for sure.


Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2
Two hours of pure payoff is reason enough to understand why they split the last Harry Potter novel in half. Yes, anyone who hasn't been paying attention would be hopelessly lost watching this, but I judge them for trying to watch it without any other context. And true, I have some quibbles about things that were changed, etc, but in the end, it didn't really matter.  Everyone in the cast is in top form—especially Alan Rickman and Ralph Fiennes. It was exciting from beginning to end. and oh what an ending. So. Much. Crying.

Captain America: The First Avenger
The best word I can use is classic. Captain America felt old-fashioned in the best sense of the word. 


Friends With Benefits
Way better than the same movie from earlier this year, but still, the exact same movie from earlier this year. This time it takes place in New York, has leads with actual chemistry but still manages to indulge plenty of the cliches of the romantic comedies it claims to abhor.


Crazy, Stupid, Love
I loved everyone involved. The (mostly improvised) pillow talk between Stone and Gosling ranks up there with some of the best scenes in modern romantic comedies.  Their chemistry crackles throughout the movie but the more important chemistry is the surprising one between Gosling and Steve Carrell. Funny, charming and lovely.

Rise of the Planet of the Apes
While the trailer made my eyes roll once I started reading reviews, I was so confused. How could it possibly be good? The answer is Andy Serkis. His Ceasar is a fully formed character and he outpaces every "human" actor in the film. I actually felt myself get excited for a possible sequel. That's rare when something isn't named Harry Potter or Batman.

The Help
Don't overreact! Yes, the performance of Viola Davis and Octavia Spencer (and Jessica Chastain belongs in with them) are superb. Emma Stone is her usual husky-voiced, adorable self. But calm down people. It's just a regular, serviceable feel-good movie.


One Day
After reading too much about people harping on Anne Hathaway's accent and the TWIST ending, I still gave One Day a chance. The accent didn't bother me and the twist I could see coming but I still reluctantly enjoyed this in spite of my better judgment. It's no masterpiece but the chemistry between Hathaway and Jim Sturgess worked for me. I still swooned and cried like a girl. So mission accomplished, One Day.

Our Idiot Brother
It's the Paul Rudd is charming show! Watch Paul Rudd have long hair and a beard! Watch Paul Rudd's great chemistry with a dog named Willie Nelson! Watch Paul Rudd make silly mistakes and be almost instantly forgiven! It's perfectly fine. 

Modern Family: When Good Kids Go Bad

Season 3, Episode 2: Though this aired directly after "Dude Ranch," I'm just getting around to recapping it. Deal.


The episode opens with Claire shopping with the "mad fun" Phil. When he gets distracted by an attractive woman, Claire ends up falling into a display of canned peaches. Claire insists that Phil pushed the cart, which pushed her into the display, but Phil denies any wrongdoing. Later, when Phil is recounting the story to the kids and Claire insists that it was Phil who pushed her, the family gangs up on her to make fun of her need to always be right. This inspires one of the most realistic exchanges this family has had in awhile, with all the kids (and Phil) chiming in with placating asides about Claire being right all the time. Families do this and it's nice to see something that is grounded in reality, especially in an episode when Claire moves from pleasantly neurotic into shrill territory.


Meanwhile, Cam and Mitchell are planning to announce to the family that they are going to adopt a baby boy but are having trouble with Lily's proclamation that she hates the idea of a baby. She also mentions that she "wants the baby dead." In an effort to warm Lily to the idea of a baby, the men host a play date where Lily promptly pushes the baby out of Cam's arms with a cry of "My daddy!" Clearly concerned, Mitch thinks her attitude stems from her dependence on Cam—a result of Cam's coddling nature.  Cam can't even take Lily to preschool, opting to take her shopping to buy matching hats. Cam also allows Lily to hang from his neck like a stuffed monkey with Velcro hands and holds her hand even when he's in the shower. OK, he realizes, maybe he does coddle her.

When Cam is struggling with his new no-coddling policy, Mitchell is enjoying the fact that (for once) a parenting issue isn't his fault—previous issues that were his fault include being distant, working too much and messy french braids. To ease Cam's suffering, Mitchell decides to take Lily to school where he learns from Ms. Elaine (amazing teacher name) that the real trouble is that Lily has trouble sharing, a trait Mitch confesses she probably got from him.


Over at the Delgado-Pritchett residence, Gloria is letting Manny's principal have it after he accuses Manny of stealing a locket. "What do you think all Colombians are criminals because the Colombian necktie is a symbol of violence all around the world?" Gloria yells through the phone. Later, Jay confronts Manny about the stolen necklace and eventually breaks him by making him sweat under the lights in the garage. Manny says he took the necklace as a token from one of his crushes, and Jay insists Manny confess to Gloria, after ensuring that Manny doesn't actually want to wear the locket. The next morning, Manny comes clean and Jay suggests that Gloria make Manny confess to the principal, though she worries that he'll be labeled as the "jewelry thief" along with his other titles such as "the boy with the pan flute," and "the boy with the puffy shirt."


At school, Manny is expressing his fears about confessing when Gloria decides to let him off the hook and breaks into the owner's locker to return the locket, only after making Manny promise to never do anything dishonest again. On the way to Cam and Mitchell's, Jay asks Manny how his confession to the principal went and Gloria tries to steer the conversation elsewhere before Manny can give himself away.


I don't even want to get into a relatively pointless C-storyline about the girls tricking Luke into moving into the attic in order to not share a room. It mostly serves the "Claire is always right" storyline. Though, man, I love Luke.



Prepared for the adoption announcement with an "It's Gonna Be A Boy" banner, sparklers and Footloose's "Let's Hear It For the Boy" at the ready, the family gathers at Cam and Mitchell's. While Luke is talking to Cam, Lily pushes him with another cry of, "My daddy!" "This isn't over," sneers Luke. Mitch admits that Ms. Elaine told him that Lily has a problem with sharing, which she might have gotten from him. Cam, angry that Mitchell let him suffer all day, says they are not making the adoption announcement because he's not feeling joyful, a sentiment Mitch says he shares (finally).


Jay confronts Gloria about Manny's confession and says he knows she she never took him to the principal. Gloria's poker face doesn't crack. "You'd be surprised what people can live with, Jay," she says like a stone cold fox.


Angry that no one in her family believes her about Phil pushing her in the market, Claire pulls out a security video she got from the grocery store to prove she is right. It's at this point where we start to hate Claire instead of laugh with her. She puts the video on. She was right! "Suck it!" she tells her family. When Gloria points out she shouldn't tell her children to suck it, Cam agrees and points out that you never no what kids will pick up. Mitch vehemently apologizes and says they both need to examine their actions if they are going to adopt another baby. With the cat out of the bag, Cam hurries to unfurl his banner, queue up his song and light his sparklers. Jay says no kid wants a sibling and Claire hated Mitch so much that she put him in the dryer.

"I didn't do it because I hated you. I did it because my friend Marcy said it wouldn't run with a kid inside and I knew it would. I was right." Claire admits she has a sickness. Jay tries to diffuse the situation by proposing a toast to Manny, celebrating the fact that he was someone who stood up and admitted he was wrong. Of course, Manny can't handle the guilt and confesses to Jay that Gloria broke into the locker and had them run away. Jay relishes the fact that he was right and it's clear where Claire got her sickness from.

Not as successful for me as "Dude Ranch" what with all the annoying Claire bits and the Dunphy kids non-storyline, but still had some solid laughs. The show needs to tone it down on the "Claire is uptight" stuff and make us like her again after two episodes where she has played overbearing and insufferable. Otherwise, I always love to see Manny cracking under guilt and Phil cracking everyone up.

Great lines and observations: 

"Freestyle sandwich rap: Tucked in between  two whole wheat slices, pastrami and Swiss are my only vices." Phil's market sandwich rap.


Cam: "My sister was born with a full set of teeth." Mitch: "That's not true." Cam: "You should have seen her crib. It looked like beavers lived there."

Gloria: "My cousin Rosamarina when she was 14 she stole something and after that everyone thinks of her as the girl who steals cars. Jay: "She stole a car?" Gloria: "Cars. But after she got that label, what else could she do?"


Claire: "I'm going to skip this meeting of the 'Pile on Claire Club." Phil:"I guess I pushed her into that pile too."


Luke: "Do you have any furniture? I'm moving into the attic." Mitch: "The attic?" Luke: "Yeah, at least it's big. Grandpa said you used to live in the closet."

"Great Governor!" Phil's reaction to the realization that Claire has needed to be right since she was a child.

Modern Family: Dude Ranch

Season 3, Episode 1: They're back! After (somewhat annoyingly) dominating the Emmys on Sunday, the Delgado-Pritchetts (plus Dylan) are heading to a dude ranch. Last year Hawaii, this year a dude ranch? Downgrade, family.

At least Cameron and Mitchell can use the opportunity to butch up their pop-up, musical photo book in their quest to to adopt a (domestic) baby boy. Phil wants to use the dude ranch experience to prove his manhood as well. He's been practicing his cowboy skills—shootin', ropin' and pancake eatin'—for weeks to impress Jay. Jay has other things to worry about, like Cowboy Hank who, while adept at giving nicknames (Bossy for Claire, Hollywood for Manny), is less skilled when it comes to flirting with Gloria. Luckily, she can't hear most of it since she can't seem to pop her ears from the plane, and therefore, is speaking even louder than usual. For some reason the horses seem skittish around her, despite her self-proclaimed horse whisperer skills.

Later at the pool, Alex is trying to get some reading done ("Freakanomics," ha!) and Luke is showing Manny his German firecracker. A tween Italian stallion named Jimmy makes Alex's acquaintance by soaking her with a cannonball and insulting her by calling her gorgeous. As the adults go for a horse ride, Jay's horse veers left, just like his uncle who had a stroke; Mitchell is riding side saddle to protect against a potential cow bite; and Gloria, aka Cactus Flower, rides like a beautiful conquistador per pervy Hank.

Alex has another encounter with Jimmy who steals a kiss—her first kiss. Claire, unhappy that Dylan had to come along, vows to make more of an effort to welcome him after Phil points out he knows how it feels to fall for a girl who's dad thinks he's not good enough. She goes to Dylan's tent to apologize and inadvertently makes him think she's coming on to him. While Dylan admits that if things were different he'd gladly share Claire's bed and raise Haley, Alex and Luke, he loves Haley and declines Claire's non-advances.

At the campfire, Mitchell admits he thinks he and Cam might be rushing into adopting another baby. Before he can explain, he is interrupted by Dylan who is down on one knee proposing to Haley. He barely gets the words out before he is interrupted by Claire refusing to even entertain the idea of Haley settling for Dylan. Distraught, Dylan goes to his room where he warns that there might be a fan that sounds likes someone crying.

The next morning Mitchell expresses his fear of being a father to a boy because of his lack of machismo. Jay advises Claire to stop interfering with Dylan and Haley or she'll end up with a boob for a son-in-law, which Phil rightly takes personally. Haley shows up to declare Dylan missing and the whole group saddles up to find him before he gets spacey from not eating every few hours. Alex confronts Jimmy about stealing her first kiss, telling him it wasn't supposed to be from a Mario Brother and he takes it "back" by kissing her again. In no time, they are making out. Cowboy Hank splits up the group—Claire and Haley, Buffalo Phil and Jay and himself and Gloria—to look for Dylan.

Luke approaches Mitch to tell him how he, as a boy, thinks Mitch is a great uncle. Mitch, realizing Luke has been sent by Cameron, quickly breaks him. Luke tells Mitchell about the firework and Mitchel, horrified by boys obsession with destroying stuff, takes it away. When Luke stalks off saying Mitch isn't fun Mitch caves and says they'll set the firework off together. "You just made the best decision of your life," Luke tells Mitchell. They stick the firecracker in a birdhouse and run like mad before being disappointed when it seems not to work. Naturally, it blows up the birdhouse seconds later and both are in awe of the explosion. Mitchell realizes he can handle being a father to a son after all!

While Phil and Jay search for Dylan, Phil confronts Jay about his crack about son-in-laws. Jay considers asking Phil "man to man" if he thinks Cowboy Hank is hitting on Gloria apology enough and they ride off to confront the villain. Claire and Haley have it out over Dylan with Haley telling her mother she said no to the proposal and that Claire needs to allow her to act like an adult. She's not a baby anymore, Mom! Who hasn't said these words to their mother? They find Dylan and he says he's taken a job at the ranch and him and Haley are over. "We're from different worlds. She's in high school, he's a ranch hand," Dylan says.

When Gloria is screaming for Dylan, Cowboy Hank gets a little too handsy and Phil and Jay arrive just in time. Cowboy Hank says it was an all act so Jay could be the hero and rescue his wife. Phil lets Cowboy Hank know he will only be checking somewhat satisfied on his comment card, because, well, he was still great with the kids. As everyone says farewell to the ranch, Alex and Jimmy get some last minute making out in; Haley says goodbye to Dylan, as Phil weeps in the background; and Cam and Mitch have some butch photos for the photo book, which Cam promptly improves with glitter.

All in all a satisfying episode reacquainting us with why we love this family to begin with. I realized how much I'd missed Phil all summer. Though last season was uneven compared to the first, this episode shows promise that all wrongs have been corrected.

Great lines and observations:

New baby Lily looks remarkably like old Lily, only a little more lively. Her playing with Cam and swinging with Alex was very cute. Her teeth upset me, but I guess kids have bad teeth. I sure did—ahem—headgear.

Gloria "I want my ears to pop." Manny: "Try putting a little rouge on them. (pause) Nobody gets me."

Mitchell: "I want to teach my son all the things my dad taught Claire."

Dylan's horse song: "I rode a horse for the first time today. Wasn't a surprise when it went neigh."

Luke explaining how Manny will know when the firecracker has gone off: "First all the electronics will go out. Then comes the heat flash. Afterwards, the living will envy the dead."

Phil on his nickname from cowboy Hank: "Buffalo Phil. Worth the wait."