At least Cameron and Mitchell can use the opportunity to butch up their pop-up, musical photo book in their quest to to adopt a (domestic) baby boy. Phil wants to use the dude ranch experience to prove his manhood as well. He's been practicing his cowboy skills—shootin', ropin' and pancake eatin'—for weeks to impress Jay. Jay has other things to worry about, like Cowboy Hank who, while adept at giving nicknames (Bossy for Claire, Hollywood for Manny), is less skilled when it comes to flirting with Gloria. Luckily, she can't hear most of it since she can't seem to pop her ears from the plane, and therefore, is speaking even louder than usual. For some reason the horses seem skittish around her, despite her self-proclaimed horse whisperer skills.
Later at the pool, Alex is trying to get some reading done ("Freakanomics," ha!) and Luke is showing Manny his German firecracker. A tween Italian stallion named Jimmy makes Alex's acquaintance by soaking her with a cannonball and insulting her by calling her gorgeous. As the adults go for a horse ride, Jay's horse veers left, just like his uncle who had a stroke; Mitchell is riding side saddle to protect against a potential cow bite; and Gloria, aka Cactus Flower, rides like a beautiful conquistador per pervy Hank.
Alex has another encounter with Jimmy who steals a kiss—her first kiss. Claire, unhappy that Dylan had to come along, vows to make more of an effort to welcome him after Phil points out he knows how it feels to fall for a girl who's dad thinks he's not good enough. She goes to Dylan's tent to apologize and inadvertently makes him think she's coming on to him. While Dylan admits that if things were different he'd gladly share Claire's bed and raise Haley, Alex and Luke, he loves Haley and declines Claire's non-advances.
At the campfire, Mitchell admits he thinks he and Cam might be rushing into adopting another baby. Before he can explain, he is interrupted by Dylan who is down on one knee proposing to Haley. He barely gets the words out before he is interrupted by Claire refusing to even entertain the idea of Haley settling for Dylan. Distraught, Dylan goes to his room where he warns that there might be a fan that sounds likes someone crying.
The next morning Mitchell expresses his fear of being a father to a boy because of his lack of machismo. Jay advises Claire to stop interfering with Dylan and Haley or she'll end up with a boob for a son-in-law, which Phil rightly takes personally. Haley shows up to declare Dylan missing and the whole group saddles up to find him before he gets spacey from not eating every few hours. Alex confronts Jimmy about stealing her first kiss, telling him it wasn't supposed to be from a Mario Brother and he takes it "back" by kissing her again. In no time, they are making out. Cowboy Hank splits up the group—Claire and Haley, Buffalo Phil and Jay and himself and Gloria—to look for Dylan.
Luke approaches Mitch to tell him how he, as a boy, thinks Mitch is a great uncle. Mitch, realizing Luke has been sent by Cameron, quickly breaks him. Luke tells Mitchell about the firework and Mitchel, horrified by boys obsession with destroying stuff, takes it away. When Luke stalks off saying Mitch isn't fun Mitch caves and says they'll set the firework off together. "You just made the best decision of your life," Luke tells Mitchell. They stick the firecracker in a birdhouse and run like mad before being disappointed when it seems not to work. Naturally, it blows up the birdhouse seconds later and both are in awe of the explosion. Mitchell realizes he can handle being a father to a son after all!
While Phil and Jay search for Dylan, Phil confronts Jay about his crack about son-in-laws. Jay considers asking Phil "man to man" if he thinks Cowboy Hank is hitting on Gloria apology enough and they ride off to confront the villain. Claire and Haley have it out over Dylan with Haley telling her mother she said no to the proposal and that Claire needs to allow her to act like an adult. She's not a baby anymore, Mom! Who hasn't said these words to their mother? They find Dylan and he says he's taken a job at the ranch and him and Haley are over. "We're from different worlds. She's in high school, he's a ranch hand," Dylan says.
When Gloria is screaming for Dylan, Cowboy Hank gets a little too handsy and Phil and Jay arrive just in time. Cowboy Hank says it was an all act so Jay could be the hero and rescue his wife. Phil lets Cowboy Hank know he will only be checking somewhat satisfied on his comment card, because, well, he was still great with the kids. As everyone says farewell to the ranch, Alex and Jimmy get some last minute making out in; Haley says goodbye to Dylan, as Phil weeps in the background; and Cam and Mitch have some butch photos for the photo book, which Cam promptly improves with glitter.
All in all a satisfying episode reacquainting us with why we love this family to begin with. I realized how much I'd missed Phil all summer. Though last season was uneven compared to the first, this episode shows promise that all wrongs have been corrected.
Great lines and observations:
New baby Lily looks remarkably like old Lily, only a little more lively. Her playing with Cam and swinging with Alex was very cute. Her teeth upset me, but I guess kids have bad teeth. I sure did—ahem—headgear.
Gloria "I want my ears to pop." Manny: "Try putting a little rouge on them. (pause) Nobody gets me."
Mitchell: "I want to teach my son all the things my dad taught Claire."
Dylan's horse song: "I rode a horse for the first time today. Wasn't a surprise when it went neigh."
Luke explaining how Manny will know when the firecracker has gone off: "First all the electronics will go out. Then comes the heat flash. Afterwards, the living will envy the dead."
Phil on his nickname from cowboy Hank: "Buffalo Phil. Worth the wait."
2 comments:
I'm a fan of this tv show. that why my family like to have a dude ranch vacations
you humblebragging sonofabitch!
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