Jack and I struggle with letting go

December 5 – Let Go. What (or whom) did you let go of this year? Why?

I have trouble letting go of everything. Family. Friends. Boyfriend. I don't think I've made significant progress on any of those fronts this year. Although there is something I had to let go this year, that as trivial as it may seem to some, had quite an impact: the end of Lost. Why did I let it go? Because it made me.

Ironically, the finale of Lost is all about letting go, or better, moving on. Anyone who knows me knows that I get hooked on certain things and won't hear a bad word against them. Star Wars. The Godfather. Titanic. Harry Potter. When this happens I spend an inordinate amount of time reading, watching and listening to anything and everything I can about it. This was always true of Lost, but this May saw an especially embarrassing period of obsession. Articles, online videos, Times Talk, marathons—so much time was spent saying goodbye. But I believe it was all integral to the letting go process. It's my way of coping: excessive attention. I have been meaning to write my thoughts on the finale of Lost since it aired. I wanted to give it a second viewing before writing but I physically and emotionally could not bring myself to watch it again. And I couldn't do it until three months later. Even rewatching it after all that time took it out of me. I sat on the couch crying my eyes out, mourning the loss all over again.

What is it about Lost? Seven months later I still can't put my finger on it. I remember after my Dad passed away, thinking, man, he's never going to see the end of Lost. This upset me probably more than it should have. Plenty have called me crazy. plenty of questioned, even attacked, the show and its finale. My unabashed devotion remains though I've had to find new shows to fill its void. Modern Family, Glee and Boardwalk Empire are enjoyable and all but I know none will capture me the way Lost did.

And that's OK. As long as I accept what Lost creator, Damon Lindelof, tweeted the day after the show aired "Remember. Let go. Move on. I will miss it more than I can ever say."